...sometimes the Lemonade is sour....
I have to be the most emotional person to ever walk the face of the earth. Lately one certain subject always ends up making me burst into tears and sends me in a downward spiral. This is probably due to my health situation that I've been diagnosed with since I was 12. I try to take the subject with a grain of salt, but it's hard for me to not let the comments cut through and then the salt burns the wound. The past 4 months have been particularly trying though.
I'll be 21 on the 26th and I know I'm still young but I won't be around forever, and ever since I can remember I've always wanted children. I even remember (I don't know if it was when my mom got pregnant with my little brother when I was in 4th grade or if I was younger) standing in my parent's garage rubbing my tummy thinking there was a baby inside just growing and then when I got older my tummy would just get bigger and I would have a baby. It made sense in my little mind that that's how it worked.
I've even gone to the point where I'm doing lots and lots of research, even though the statistics I've found are not encouraging. And then when I really let myself just go and think of all the "what ifs" and the go to extremes. I get discouraged because I think about the 50/50 chance of any children Jose and I have, having (in my opinion) one of the worst things ever, because of me. We've even talked about how we would deal with it if it came about it one of our children, and it makes me sick to my stomach because we won't be able to fix it with a band-aid, a kiss where it hurts, or one of their favorite things.
In the reality of it all I guess this is just another way of Heavenly Father teaching me patience. And if it's not too much to ask please pray for us that everything will turn out for the best.
