2 months already?!

My oh my how Rocky has grown. I apologize for my absence. I'm sure you breastfeeding mommies out there understand. Shoot I'm lucky to take a shower AND wash my hair. Thankfully I am able to jump in the shower fast enough to at least bathe myself then rescue a crying little babe. Which on that note is not so little.

At 2 weeks he weighed a whopping 11.5 lbs. (need I remind you he was 9lbs 6 oz. at birth). Then at 6 weeks he was a big 15 lbs and an ounce and a half. Now he weighs at least 16lbs, probably more. I feed him lard. He completely outgrew newborn clothes at almost 2 weeks, which I was so grateful for for my sanity to at least use newborn diapers and clothes for just a little while. He no longer wears 0-3 month clothes, I was so sad boxing those up but his poor tummy is just too big for them, that and he is getting quite tall. He happily fits in 3 month clothes. I haven't brought myself to pull out his 3-6 month clothes, partially because he was in A box of size 2 diapers. That is one box and one box only. Then he decided to weigh close to 16 pounds so I said what the heck to getting size 3s cause for one he was exploding out the back of his diapers way too often then Mommy liked to clean up. Size 3s have been a life saver! He wears 6 month jammies because he has big feet and anything smaller squishes his toes and he doesn't like that very much, although he has a few smaller sizes he can still wear even though I should box those up too. I'm hoping the next baby is a normal size and I won't have to box up so much so soon. He is almost sleeping threw the night. I feel like I say that everyday but he really is, I just know it! Last night he didn't fall asleep till almost 11:30 and didn't wake up again to eat till 5, then again at 7 which it was time to get up anyways even though we went back to bed...but still. I've decided getting your baby to sleep threw the night is like labor once you get to the really hard part and you want it to be over cause you just want to sleep...it's almost over. But I'm not only crazy pregnant, I'm just straight up crazy cause I'm going to miss not sleeping threw the night and feeding my baby in the middle of the night because those are some of the sweetest moments I get with him and they are mine all mine and I don't have to share them with anyone. Rocky eats about every 2 hours during the day and has a 3 hour stretch from 11-2. I have a friend that didn't know how she could keep up with her sons growth spurt by feeding him every 3 hours (he's formula feed). I laughed and wanted to tell her to try every hour!

We are moving! but just to a bigger place. A duplex, it's 2 bedroom, 2 full bath, with washer dryer hook ups and a fire place!! It has a two car covered carport, and it's all tile. I'm super excited about it. But super sad to be leaving the place where so many memories were made and where we made our home. It's so sad to think I will never step foot in the place our son was born ever again. I told Jose we can never get rid of our bed, cause Rocky was born in it. He laughed and said ok. :)

Now this is JOY.

The scriptures tell us "Men are that they might have joy." Ever since February 8th, 2011 we were on our journey to true joy, and on October 20th, 2011 at 4:48 in the morning we felt true joy. It is the best feeling in the world, and we owe it all to this little guy.

Welcome to this big, bright world Rocky.

Tick tock tick tock

I had a coworker tell me last week (37 weeks) that these would be the longest 3 weeks of my life. She lied. We'll be 39 weeks in like 4 days. I've got a busy day at work tomorrow, an 11:00 color be done at 1:00 an hour break(so I don't die or go into labor) a 2:00 men's cut, and then a 2:30 color. It will fly by. And Saturday I'm booked the whole time I'm working-no break, which means a super fast/where did my day go kind of day. I don't even want to talk about next weeks work schedule. Let's just say I'll more then likely be working myself into labor-pray I make it to Saturday the 15th at 2:00 pm before I go into labor, but once 2:00 comes my body is more then welcome to try and get Rocky to come out.

Speaking of my body trying to get Rocky to come out, it's very much so in the process of prepping itself very much as we speak. On Tuesday at our prenatal I was feeling a little menstral crampy so they wanted to check me, we are at 2cm dilated and 25% effaced. And (a lil TMI so skip a little if you want) my cervix apparently doesn't feel like a first time mom cervix. Which means it's softer then the norm and when labor does get here it will most likely go smoother and faster! I'll take it.

Our midwife also has me on these herbal pills I take 2, 3xs a day with food. They are called 5-W and have 5 herbs in them and you take them generally the last 5 weeks of pregnancy. I know for sure 3 ingredients "induce" labor and one helps to strengthen the uterus and help bleeding not to last as long postpartum and I'm not sure about the 5th ingredient but I'm sure it does something to my uterus. They work though, I gave definitely noticed more Braxton Hicks and every once in a while they will be very strong. The pills are super gross if you don't swallow them right and they start to dissolve and get stuck in your throat cause for about 15-30 min you can taste them. Yuck. I also have to take an iron supplement now cause my iron is borderline. It's no surprise to me though I've been this way since birth. I'm ALWAYS around an 11.

Jose's new favorite thing is to ask me all the time "is there a baby yet?" it's pretty cute. I love how excited he us about Rocky getting here and everything. He is already such a good daddy. :)

Can we have another one?

We are 33 weeks pregnant today. Everyone seems to tell me I am "lucky" with the way my pregnancy has gone. I've gained 27 pounds. I don't swell all too much just a normal amount from the ridiculous heat Mother Nature has blessed us with this summer. I can still fit into (almost) all of my clothes just fine. I sleep through the night. I've just now gotten heartburn real bad for no reason but I can some how seem to still ignore it. I haven't craved anything ridiculous real late at night and made Jose run to the store to get it (that one makes me sad I wish I would have it sounds like fun). If I wear black and you look at me from the front I don't look pregnant. I have clients that ask if the last time I did their hair I was pregnant (that cracks me up). I can walk a mile in 21 minutes. I can stand (not walk, stand) for 2 hours at a time. I don't understand how I'm "lucky". I'm pregnant, and before we got pregnant I researched and wanted to be as healthy as possible when the time came. I try very hard to be as healthy as possible. I could do better but what am I to do.

Next week I go in for my 34 week appointment and schedule my 36 week appointment. I will be able to legally and safely deliver at home then. He turned head down last week, and I got worried about him coming to early. Thalia (our midwife) said I have nothing to worry about until he engages. He was posterior last week and he most likely wouldn't engage until he turned anterior. Well this impatient little boy has been anterior since Sunday. I give him a week to engage. I'm glad he's not a procrastinator like me and getting down to business in there but I really hope once he engages he gives me the 6 week option not the 2 week, a minimum of 4 weeks. I'd prefer the 6 weeks if he engages within the next week because I have appointments booked clear up until 3 days before the due date. I asked Jose this morning if we could have another one. I don't even have our first and I want another.

I have never felt so comfortable and confident in my own skin before. Jose had asked me a couple months ago what I thought of about being a surrogate since I love being pregnant so much, I think I might consider it now. I didn't want to before because I was afraid I would get attached, but I think I could do it. Maybe. I got my maternity pictures back yesterday and saw what everyone else sees. Kendal Jessup did our pictures and she is fabulous. She captured exactly what I wanted to be captured. Check her out. http://kendaljessupphotography.blogspot.com/

It doesn't get much better then this.

nine

I'm almost been pregnant for 9 months.

In 9 days I have another prenatal.

In 9 years my baby boy will be helping me plan his 9th birthday party.

In 19 years he'll be going on a mission.

In about 9 weeks my sweet little baby boy Rocky will be gestationally 40 weeks old and be welcomed into the world any day. Just 9 weeks.

I sure hope this is the longest 9 weeks of my life.

My Bump, My Bump, My Lovely Little Bump

CHECK IT OUT!

just to warn you there's lots of pictures.

14 weeks 2 days This is the start of my little bump.

17 weeks 5 days

18 weeks 1 day

21 weeks 6 days

22 weeks 4 days

23 weeks 4 days

25 weeks 6 days

26 weeks 1 days.

28 weeks 2 days.

Can't say it enough.

I know I'm not the best but I try very hard and force healthy habits upon myself especially being pregnant. And I can't stress it enough if you are pregnant PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take extra good care of yourself not just for you but more importantly your baby. Even if you have complications you can try and be healthy at least in your eating and drinking water like it's running out. I feel very blessed to have had a great pregnancy thus far (I'm 28 weeks and 2 days) I try and drink mainly water, juice or milk. Yes I will have the occasional soda or other sugary drink that I probably shouldn't have. I eat tons of fruits and veggies and eat until my body says "ok I'm about to be uncomfortable" even if it means eating 30 mins later. I walk, quite a bit. When Jose and I do go to the gym we go for 30 min, because that's all I can tolerate without doing to much and I walk a mile and a half in those 30 min. I have minimal swelling, I give credit to my eating and drinking water. Sometimes I feel like I'm not normal because of the fact that I'm not experiencing some of the things other girls are that are about as far along as me but I just have to stop and think, no I feel great, if there was something I should worry about I wouldn't feel so good. Everybody says "oh your baby will get the nutrients they need" no think about it if all you eat is junk with no nutritional value your baby is getting junk with no nutritional value. So please do the best you can for your baby.

(I will be posting a pretty long blog soon with tons of pictures fyi. belly pictures that is as soon as I figure out how to get them from my new iphone to the computer. :) )

I'm not one of those kind.

(excuse me while I vent just a little, or a lot)

I LOVE BEING PREGNANT. and I love everything that comes with it. The being hot all the time, the swelling, the emotions, the hormones, the uncomfortable-ness, the shortness of breath from talking because my little guy is up in my ribs real good, the feeling of my ribs being pushed on from the inside-out, etc.

I'm sick of having people tell me "oh you just wait" "wait till the end when (insert whatever "horrible" symptom) and then you'll be screaming to get him out."

I honestly don't think I will be one of those pregnant people. Yes I complain but I make my complaint, leave it at that and get on with life. Although to me these "complaints" aren't complaints really they are merely me stating the facts of what I'm feeling, not a complaint that I want it to end. Rocky can do whatever his little heart desires inside me as long as he's happy. In fact this little guy has to be all squished up for quite sometime, so he should be the one complaining.

If you don't think I'm serious...ask Jose. He'll tell you the same exact thing.

16

I cannot believe that in about 16 weeks we will meet our beautiful baby boy.

I really love being pregnant everything about it. From the kicks in the bladder to the stretching of my ribs. I love it. I could be the next Michelle Duggar (ok maybe not to that extreme but pretty much). Jose has even said "maybe we will have 6 kids). It makes me kind of sad cause I can't help but think "am I really that much happier? was I that unhappy before that everyone I'm around has really noticed a difference?" I'm hoping it is just on of those cases where the pregnancy hormones and everything balanced everything out. I've heard of doctors telling women that a pregnancy would "fix" whatever health wise is wrong with them.

As of 3 weeks ago I have ony gained 11 pounds, we were 21 weeks then. I measured slightly small, it was our first time being measured. It was only a couple of centimeters, so nothing to worry about because I'm pretty sure it's evened out. I can pop my belly button completely out, it's a pretty neat trick. I can balance things on the top of my belly mainly cups, although I did put my Big Mac box on top of it while I ate it last night while we watched tv on the couch.

I have the BEST husband and baby daddy in the whole wide world, and he gives the best foot massages ever!! My feet felt a little swollen but not noticable and they hurt :(. So I had him rub them. :) He also found me an awesome glider chair on craigslist for $20! It needs to be steam cleaned and the chair will come super clean, the ottaman is another story. We got that too with it but we may have to completely redo the cover and padding on that one, it's pretty gross :/. But it saved us sooo much money. I was opposed to buying used things at first but I'm slowly growing into the idea of it, just not used everything.

Here's some more pictures of the little guy. Who might I add only really likes to kick for me and his daddy. He kicked for his Abuelita (Jose's mom) on Sunday but not very hard. He's kind of shy, but it's probably because he knows who his mommy and daddy are and used to their touch

and not really other peoples.

Here he is sucking his thumb. :)

Here's the proof he's very much a boy.

His profile, with his big ol' tummy to tickle.

His good strong heart and all 4 chambers.

His arm and his fist that will be full of my hair one day from him grabbing it.

It's a BOY!

Here's a preview of our precious son!

I will post more of him later!!

warning

do not google images "20 week pregnant belly with twins" the day before your first sonogram. It will make you think you are having twins. Now I'm really not going to be able to sleep tonight.

Speaking of sleep Saturday night I dreamed yet another dream...this time we were looking at the printed ultrasound pictures they were 2d this time (the other dream was a 3d ultrasound) and well Little Baby had a penis. I'm trying to not get all confused because I kind of want to lead myself to believe that in order for the dream to fall under the wives tale category like the other one it had to have been a live thing and not a picture. But then again it could be a sign we are having twins, and if the case is one of each Jose will be so happy. I on the other hand if it were my choice wither we had twins and the genders of the twins, they would both be boys because boys are easy. You just need shirts and shorts. Girls you have to have the bows and the dresses and the matching bloomers and shoes and I could go on and on. I could not imagine having a BOY and a GIRL at the same time, it'll make my wallet look very skinny.

We will know in about 13.5 hours though!!

hormonal.

This week is going to be one crazy hormonal roller coaster (pray for Jose that he will be able to handle it). Why might you ask? WELL.....

Wednesday we find out if our little bun in my oven is strawberry muffins or blueberry muffins. Which will also be the first time we see our little baby. I will cry. I'm betting on crying everyday up to it.

Then....my little baby sister will be for real all grown up because she is moving to Utah, to go to BYU. I've started crying for that today. (The Johnston's S&S and S&A....she's a great babysitter friend request her on fb Sophia Rossow....and stalk her lol. just a little.) She cried the night before my wedding and I wanted to cry cause I didn't know why she was crying. I'm not going to say I'm not happy she's going to BYU, cause that's a lie, I'm very proud of her. I'm just going to miss her tons. I love you Sissy.

they really do grow up too fast.

Our Little Baby is gestation-ally 20 weeks old today, and I feel it has gone by way too fast just yesterday they were the size of a blueberry and now they are a banana. Next thing I know I'll blink and they will be in my arms and I'll cry. I'll blink again and they will be having their kindergarten graduation and I'll cry. I'll blink and they will be going to prom and graduating High School, I'll cry. And they they will be going on a mission(boy), or getting married(girl or going on a mission too if that's what's in store for them). I'll really cry then.

Who ever said 9 months was a long time lied. Someone please tell me it slows down, I'm probably the only woman in history to want to just get really big and stay that way for a good long while or be huge the whole 9 months.

We find out the gender next Wednesday the 8th of June at 12:30 Texas time! I don't know if we are more excited to see the life we created or to know if Jose will be buying a Manu Ginobli Fat Head for Rocky or he will be buying Kristen anything and everything she wants because his heart will be forever melted. Ok...I doubt Jose will buy a Fat Head but I wouldn't put it past him if our baby is Rocky his room will be decorated in black, navy blue, basketball orange and silver...San Antonio Spurs colors, which is why Manu Ginobli would be very fitting and it will be awesome. If our little baby is Kristen, her room will be fit for a princess.

Which speaking of girls. I really think our little baby is a girl. Here's my reasoning. There are two wives tales, one being if you dream about your baby they will be the opposite of what you dream about, i.e. you dream of having a boy you get a girl and vice versa. I have not had this dream I've had dreams about our children. The other is if you have a dream about your baby and you see boy or girl parts you are like 75% likely to be having that baby. The other day, I believe it was Thursday night, I had a dream and we were having our ultrasound done and let me tell you there was no doubt about it our little baby was a girl! She was not shy at all. I guess we will see on the 8th! oh and I've also had the wedding ring and the string thing done to me too and I was told then that it was a strong boy, but the majority of the websites I've found online said girl! So I'm not sure what to think on that one.

Jose makes fun of me because I am just about obsessed with wives tales, but it's only because I want to know so bad if I get to go shopping for a girl or a boy!! And if I'll be taking them to soccer practice or dance class! This is so worse then being a kid waiting for Santa to come. It's down right torture.

love.

Feeling my baby move around and kick and punch or whatever they might be doing, I love it. They are getting stronger and stronger each day and I can feel them more and more each day. I feel like compared to some I felt our baby late but I didn't want to believe I was feeling movement until I really knew "oh. that was the baby". I didn't want it to maybe be gas or something other then my child. It is such a sweet feeling. We were told that within the next week for sure we should be able to feel the movement inside my belly with our hands on top of my belly. I am so excited!!

I'm even more excited for June 8th at 12:30 to hurry up and get here! Because that's the day I get to see my precious angel's face for the first time!! Finding out the gender will only be a plus, but seeing the life we created will be the best.

Note to self.

Crawfish boils with fried catfish, chicken strips, yummy yummy corn, potatoes, cole slaw and yummy hush puppies at a beautiful wedding is a bad idea for this preggo. :(

Yep woke up at 5 this morning and paid my dues to the porcelain god till 7:30 then finally went back to sleep till 11. Thank goodness.

My friend Jessica from work got hitched last night at a beautiful outdoor country wedding under a magnificent tree where while all the women were all distracted by the actual ceremony, the men of course could not take their eyes off of the dead limb that they thought would fall on the groom and the groomsmen and possibly the front row on that side. Men are silly. We had a grand time though. The food was really good, I didn't have any crawfish because I could not stand the smell, and I tired to avoid the catfish I wasn't in a chicken mood so I mainly had corn and hush puppies which was scrumptious.

Jessica looked gorgeous. I'm so happy for her, they leave tomorrow for a week long cruise for their honeymoon. Her honey's name is Jason.

My sweet honey is the best he woke up and and came and found me in the bathroom and stayed there with me and every other time I got up he got up with me. He says I worried him really bad with how sick I was, but was so sweet and willing to get whatever I needed. I know he was so tired but he did it anyways. He treats me better than I could have ever imagined and I know he will truly be the best dad ever. He text me today while he was at work at Kohl's saying he all of the sudden got really excited about the baby. I asked him what he was excited about, and he replied, "I am excited just thinking about holding the baby, and waking up in the middle of the night to rock the baby". He melts me.

week 17.

week 17 with about 17 million things to do this week.

Today being Monday I cleaned our bedroom which was long over do, and still needs just a couple more things done to it.

Tuesday-work, dentist, then back to work, then home to clean.

Wednesday-work-baby appointment ( I like to call them baby appointments because they are checking up on the baby right? and well me but that's besides the point, to me it's more for the baby which I'm perfectly fine with my little world revolving around this precious little one) and then back home to probably clean some more.

Thursday-work, get ready for Jose's pinning ceremony for school, Jose's pinning ceremony.

Friday-Jose's graduation, my friend Jessica's wedding right after.

Saturday-most likely celebrate Jose being DONE with school. yes DONE,.......FINALLY!! woo hoo bring on the bill to pay off those loans!!

Next week on Thursday the 19th of May, we are running away to San Antonio for a very long beautiful anniversary weekend. I am thrilled. And determined to have an exceptionally clean house before we leave. We somewhat did the baby's room last weekend and moved things to where they would be for when we get the crib and other baby needs.

I'm so excited and the simple act of cleaning a room and rearranging furniture almost brought me to tears with the reality of a 5 inch from head to their tiny cute tushy baby, my baby, our baby, inside me. I am making and sustaining life. In just one month we will get to see our precious baby for the first time via sonogram. I am more excited to see him/her then to find out if they are a girl or a boy! I will be 21 weeks by then and over halfway done, barely.

The girls I work with think I am the only person alive that when pregnant wants to be big and fat and waddle from day one. Jose tells me all the time my posture has changed since we found out we are expecting, I guess I stand in a way that makes my belly stick out more?? who knows, I don't think I stand different. Although it's getting more uncomfortable to bend over because of my little belly. When I sit up straight I can feel my belly on my thighs and that's really weird. I've had people tell me "oh you're not showing yet" and I always reply with "well with how abnormally skinny I apparently was I am showing". My little brother, Porter,(He's 11) gave me a great Mother's Day Present on Sunday when we dropped by to give my Mom her card, I showed him by bare belly and said "LOOK!" and he replied with "You're FAT!" Probably the greatest compliment ever. I never really understood or realized how skinny I really was until now, and I'm convinced I really did/do have either a jaded perspective on myself when I look in the mirror or I have some sort of non-existent/existent/unintentional eating disorder, because when I looked in the mirror I saw a normal healthy looking/healthy weighing 21 year old. And according to my Mom's scale at her house (we don't own one for the sole reason we both would probably be exercise freaks or not eat) I weighed more then I wanted to, but was fine with and tried to maintain that weight. At 9 weeks gestation I weighed like 128-129 pounds which was almost 10 pounds lighter then what I thought I weighed. I've pretty much always had that kind of perspective though, call me anorexic if you like, I don't care. I remember in Junior High I would buy the mediums because I thought that's what fit when really the x-small fit. I've always thought that I am bigger then I really am, but trust me I don't, or didn't intentionally not eat until like 8 at night I really, honestly would forget. But no worries I eat almost constantly now, almost. I eat 3 meals a day and snack lite in between and before bed some. I did however watch my portion size before we got pregnant because I was eating as much as Jose if not more and I would eat until I got sick sometimes. I kicked that habit real quick. Jose's Mom doesn't think I eat enough for me and the baby but I eat as much as I'm comfortable with my max weight gain that I want to gain with this pregnancy and so far I'm pretty sure it's around 10 pounds. If you are worried ask Jose he will tell you I eat more then I did before. And religiously take my prenatal vitamins. The baby loves fruits and veggies. My Mom has a garden and she grows snow peas and the other day I went over there and she pulled them out of the fridge to show me she had harvested a pretty big bowl full and put them in front of me and I had to have her take it away from me because I ate nearly half the bowl. She kind of got on to me but there was a bowl of gummy dot things on the counter too and I replied with the smart comment of "Would you have rather me eaten those?" Of course she couldn't argue. In fact I'm grateful for these healthy cravings, I'm going to try and incorporate a more vegetarian diet into our lives. We of course will still eat meat but more often just veggies. Or more veggies then meat. I'm excited, Jose's even kind of excited.

Patience is a virtue.

And if you've ever experienced Morning Sickness you know how hard it can be to be patient!

But guess what! The patience has payed off!! I am successfully eating cereal right now and it's not even hard I actually want to eat it! Before even on my "good" days it was hard to even get yogurt down but I got it down because the baby needs me to eat! I am soooo happy right now! So happy! It's been so hard to eat in the mornings it has sucked, but now I can eat and I WANT to eat!

I am in the best mood! And it's Sunday! The sun is out and it is a beautiful day, even though Jose doesn't feel too good (I think the temperature in our house in the morning, it's like at least 60 for some reason and wonderful, is finally getting to him because when he steps outside it's warm) I'm gonna make him go on a wonderful walk with me this afternoon after church!

Feeling Pregnant

(I apologize for the unorganized-ness random thought-ness of this post)

We had our second Prenatal on Wednesday! Our precious Baby is still growing away! I'm starting to feel very pregnant. At our first visit I weighed 128 pounds and I was 9 weeks, at this visit at 13 weeks I weighed 131.6. I got nervous about the weight gain because I don't want to get too terrible huge and I want to keep the weight gain around 30 pounds and I was thinking the whole time "I'm gonna get so huge...I've already gained 3 pounds!". But then we saw Thalia and she was glad I had gained the 3 pounds, and then after our appointment I remembered my boobs are huge and I need a new bra for real now, so then I started to breathe. And I'm getting a bump, a noticeable bump to where Jose and people I work with are telling me I am so pregnant! I love it because I can't wait to waddle because of my big ol' belly! We heard the heartbeat again (of course) and it's beating at a beautiful 152 bpm! I am in love with that sound. I will listen to it over and over again. Thalia gave us this rubber replica of our baby at their gestational age, it's slightly creepy but I love it. I think I felt the baby move like 2 weeks ago I could be crazy but Thalia said it very well could have been the baby, it felt like something slid down where he baby is it was the weirdest feeling, but I loved it. I thought I was going crazy when I felt it. Who knows!

We have our next appointment set up for May 11th, 2 days before Jose finally graduates from PTA school! He's got 2 job offers right now one in a Home Health Setting and one working with kids at a Pediatric Clinic. Luckily we're going to the Temple tomorrow for our friends Adam Ault and Shamberly Sanders Wedding/Sealing. The Temple has all the answers. After the next appointment instead of going 4 weeks we might go 3 weeks and have the appointment at 20 weeks to get a ultrasound referral sign up thing.

We've decided Mexican-type food is a bad idea. I'm sick right after I eat it and then really sick the next morning, so it will be out of the question until after the baby comes. I can't stand the sight, smell or thought of Chinese food, it makes me gag. Which is really sad because I loved it before I got pregnant. But it's ok it will force/help me to eat healthy for me and the baby. I love fruits and veggies and crave veggie pitas with ceasar dressing from McAllisters like crazy! They are delicious but even more delicious now.

I am feeling very pregnant especially at night after I've gotten done eating and all that good stuff, because I get HUGE! or at least I feel that way!

This week one of our friend's from church who was due the week after us found out their baby didn't make it. It made me really sad to hear that because I was really looking forward to having someone with a due date really close to ours to be pregnant with. It made me even more grateful for my morning sickness and the reassurance I've gotten everyday so far that my hormones are good and everything is going "textbook", and for our baby. It would have been their first child together, her third, his first. Everything happens for one reason or another and even though I have no idea even how that would feel to lose a child that way, but my heart goes out to them.

Choo Choo!

If I knew how to upload sound I so would so everyone could hear our sweet Baby's heartbeat! It is my most favorite sound right now, and Jose's he'll randomly just make the sound of our Baby's heartbeat! I love it!

We had our first prenatal on Tuesday! I am so much more excited about using a midwife more then ever after that appointment. Thalia (the midwife) was in the middle of a birth so the student midwife (Jeri) was there to meet with us which was WONDERFUL! Since she is interning and training it was almost more special, I felt like we got extra, extra special attention and got to go through things very slowly, which I loved. Normally the appointments would only run about 30 min. but Jeri got to spend over an hour with us! I loved it. And to top it off our Baby's heart is strong enough that we could hear it! I was too excited to cry although I wanted too, all I could do was laugh, and smile bigger then the Grand Canyon. We went back up front to pay our deposit and all that wonderful stuff and we got to talking on how we should have recorded the sound, so Jeri being wonderful said "We can go find it again if you want". So of course we did, and got our precious sound at the push of a button!

I've started to show or at least I think I am. You can definitely tell when I sit down or wear a belt right up under my boobs, which I tend to do a lot of just to make it noticeable. :)

This was taken at 7 weeks 6 days if I'm not mistaken.

so in love.

with this...

cooler weather.

Jose.

this baby.

being pregnant.

life.

Thought I'd blog real quick I will post a legit entry tomorrow(technically later) after our FIRST OFFICIAL PRENATAL APPOINTMENT! I am so excited about it. I will be 9 weeks and we'll get the hear our little person's heartbeat (hopefully). Our midwife says it may be too early to hear despite the fact that he/she does have one, so who knows either way this having a baby on the way stuff will definitely set in for sure.

I do have quite the bump as the day goes on. In the morning it's pretty much nothing but once it's time for bed I look very much so pregnant (and I love it, I wish I had a basketball for a belly until October right now).

I've started to have cravings more out of the normal. Before I wouldn't second guess going to Taco Bell or any fast food chain, now it sounds almost repulsive. All I want is soup, salad and sandwiches. And sugar... Gatorade, candy, Popsicles, and snow cones. So according to the Chinese Gender Calendar the baby is a boy but according to the old wives' tale the baby is a girl. My mother says that according to the wives' tale (crave salt=boy, crave sugar=girl) all 7 of us were girls. And according to some fertility things on when you tried to get pregnant it's up in the air and could be either or but since boy swimmers swim faster then girl swimmers we are most likely having a girl but who knows. The baby knows, their external sex organs are being formed this week although we won't be able to tell for another 11 weeks or so (and the baby will look like a girl more or less now anyways).

Speaking of the Gender Calendar, I wanted to see how true it was since my mom had a village of children and all, we approximated most of them to be true but they mostly could have been wrong(she couldn't remember how old she was or the exact months she got pregnant, some of us were late and some of us were c-section scheduled...etc.),but Jose tried it out for his mom and he was a girl but it was right with Ben.

Emotions.

On Wednesday we had an appointment with our Midwife, Thalia Hufton. I absolutely adore her! I really think everything will work out just like we want. I was even looking up statistics for America's Pregnancies, out of the 6 MILLION that happen every year only less then 900,000 have one or more complications which is a 15% chance something will go wrong. Out of those 6,000,000 only 4,000,000 are live births, which ups the percent to 22.5%. I'll take those odds, I think they're pretty good. I know some people wouldn't "risk" it but I've done my research, asked my questions, and I've learned midwives can handle so many more "complications" then I thought. It's very comforting.

I teared up about 3 times that day, because it was really settling in that I AM PREGNANT! THERE IS A LIFE INSIDE ME! and I am so excited and happy about it!

I've loved being pregnant since we found out, but I think I knew I was going to love it regardless. Yeah I'm sick all the time (since Tues. the start of 6 weeks), yesterday I was sick all day food didn't help like it normally would, and today I've got the same problem, but some how I love it. I love the reassurance that my hormone levels are great and everything is going great. The midwife even smiled real big when I told her I had been feeling sick.

I love being pregnant, and I honestly feel sorry for those that don't enjoy it, despite the sickness and symptoms and how bad and miserable it may be.

"You are so PREGNANT"

Seems to be something I either say to myself a lot, or Jose's been saying to me. And I LOVE IT!

Yesterday I woke up feeling a little sicker then usual and went to eat a little something and it didn't go away until about 30-45 minutes later, kicked back in around lunch then I was fine, laid down to take a nap and an hour later it was back but then 30 minutes later it got worse so I just continued to sip on my half frozen slushed Ginger-Ale and it helped. This morning, morning sickness came again. Luckily I haven't thrown up or anything but it's just that annoying, nagging icky feeling. I've decided I have a love hate relationship with it.

Yesterday we went and spent the evening at Ben and Michelle's. I baked cookies and took them over and they made homemade wings, cooked up some corn on the cob, and had some yummy bean dip. I haven't had that much salt yet while pregnant and I laughed when I slipped up my wedding ring because I thought it was fitting fairly tight and sure enough I was swollen. I had my bands indented all around my finger. I knew it was swelling because I wasn't sitting on my hands and normally if I do I only have an indent on the top of my hand.

We think I might start to be getting a baby bump as well. Or I really am bloated all the time.

We had an activity at Church on Friday and someone (who just so happened to be male) asked me if the reason I was gaining weight is because...and then I cut him off and said yes I'm Pregnant. I doubt I even weigh 140, and I had just got done eating. It makes me laugh now, but at the time I said to Cecelia Johnston who was next to me "So just cause I'm only 5 weeks and pregnant makes me fat now?" She laughed and told me no.

We have a meeting with our midwife on Wednesday! I'm so excited to meet her and get this ball really rolling.

Google-d

Today Google and www.babycenter.com have been my favorites. I've been on babycenter.com since we were TTC and am obsessed. But today I was researching like I've never done before not even for an English paper. But I love it. I love reading peoples opinions on things. I think I may have found a midwife. Her name is Thalia Hufton, if you know any information about her or anyone that has used her PLEASE let me know. I am going to call her office tomorrow to set up an appointment for a consultation to get a feel of her. I'm hoping everything turns out and everything goes smoothly.

Jose and I feel we have been greatly blessed within the last year, or even the last two years for that matter.

I have a new testimony of the power of prayer, the power of fasting, and going to the temple. I know that if I fully put things in the Lord's hands He will do what He feels best. I know that the the things pertaining to His great plan for us happens on His time if we are worthy to receive such blessings.

Joy-FULL!

The results are in! You know that book I posted about (My Fertility Signals) well it said that you are most likely pregnant if you have not started your next cycle 17 days after obvious ovulation. Today was day 17 and I just knew it was going to be positive. I went in the bathroom this morning around 6:30 this morning and tested. Put the cap back on put the test on the counter, washed my hands and hopped back in bed. Jose said "when can we look?" I told him "I don't know you can look now I guess". He looked and came into the bedroom with a HUGE grin on his face, and told me "You're going to be a MOMMY!" as he showed me the test. He wanted to know what we did next and I said "I don't know I've never seen one of those before!" (talking about a positive pregnancy test)

I think the hardest thing I've ever done is not told a soul we were expecting until we told my Mom around 5:00 this evening. We showed her a picture of the test and she did not believe it she didn't think it was real. I think it's finally settling in for her. I don't think it's hit me yet.

We are approximately 4 weeks pregnant. Our little person is the size of the sesame seed. I am so very excited and so happy I can tell everyone and anyone!

Baby it's Cold Outside

I saw the high today get to 30 today. And with it being Groundhog Day I think East Texas missed the memo that spring was going to happen soon, because apparently we are just now starting Winter.

So I've become obsessed with "The Eades" on Youtube. (Which apparently I'm related to by marriage). Lucy is OCD about tracking her ovulation and fertility and everything it includes. It's quite interesting and kind of inspiring for someone in our situation where we feel like we have hit rock bottom, or at least I feel that way. My mom also gave us/me a book called "Your Fertility Signals" by Merryl Winstein. I read it all the time and I've become more obsessed. I told Jose I thought it would be fun for when we try for baby number 2 after we actually get baby number 1 I thought it would be fun to OCD chart like Lucy, just to see how fast we could get pregnant.

I've noticed as I found Lucy, read the book my Mom gave us, and have been researching; I've become more in harmony with my body and notice the changes. I know that as I continue to do so even if we aren't trying to conceive(TTC), it will help me to notice if something is out of balance and if I need to contact my doctor.

I'm starting to get nervous as it gets closer and closer to a year of trying to turn our family of two into a family of three. I know it will happen before then, because 85% of couples TTC get pregnant within the first year.

Although I am getting excited about buying baby things. Having onesies in my laundry. The smell of babies(when they're clean of course not the messy diaper baby smell, although I am excited about that smell too). Interviewing Midwives. etc.

I am very much wanting a midwife and I am so glad Jose is completely supporting the decision and very open to it. He's nervous about us possibly not delivering in a hospital but if the birth center in Tyler works out we will deliver there and Trinity Mother Francis is only a couple of minutes away. I'd be okay with delivering at home but he doesn't think so. I hate hospitals. I want to be able to trust my body and myself to do the things necessary to have my baby. We will just have to pray that everything with me and the baby goes smoothly and we are able to deliver completely natural as we plan to. My mom says everything should go perfectly fine, it's kind of in my genes. My Aunt has delivered all but one of my cousins at a birth center or at home, the third one was born in a hospital naturally only because her previous midwife retired and she didn't find one that she liked that would do home birth or at a birth center. I love the idea of laboring and delivering at home. How nice would it be to go into labor at home, deliver at home, and not have to wait until someone says "okay we're going to release you today". I just love that idea. Maybe Jose and I will just have to buy a house near a hospital so I can deliver some of our kids at home. My mom's pregnancies were all good, and so were her moms and my dad's mom's and his sister. I should be set.

I can't wait to get big fat and uncomfortable. Just the thought of having a belly bigger then a basketball and waddling when I walk just makes me smile. Beware though the day Jose and I find out we are pregnant I will take belly shots every five seconds and post them everywhere and take all the home pregnancy tests in Longview just because I won't believe my eyes.

Hey Dad.

Hey dad
I'm writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we're alright
But we're alright
We're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years Learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive

The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There's things I'll take
To my grave
But I'm ok
I'm ok

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive
And I'm still alive

Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I'll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive

And sometimes I forget
This time I'll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad

- Good Charlotte

Word Vomit.

You know that stuff that comes up when you aren't thinking and then you cover your mouth afterwards and wish you didn't say it. Well I've got some word vomit but it's more so words that just need to be vomited. This is just me venting, so no worries. I am completely happy for everyone around me.

Another month has passed and no baby. When I found out this morning I took a shower and have been in bed ever since. I'm still in bed as I'm typing this. I knew it would hit me hard again if we weren't pregnant this month. I was just beginning to accept the fact that it would happen when it would happen. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up by watching pregnancy vlogs and planning our babies room out where everything will go when the time comes.

I want to wake up every morning and puke. I want to feel bloated all the time not due to the fact that I'm bloated but that there's a bun in the oven. I want to get big and swollen. I want to crave pickles and ice cream together. I want to pee every five seconds. I want to waddle when I walk. I want to have sonograms. I want to add onesies to my laundry. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. All I want is a baby.

I think about babies and pregnancy all day long and everyone around me is either pregnant or having babies.

I'm this close to going to the doctor and getting a shot and then having my own show on tlc.

I am really happy for everyone around me that is adding to their families, I just want to join the club. I'm done with telling my clients "no, no kids yet" when they ask if I have kids. It's starting to depress me.

I love to see the Temple.

Jose and I got the chance to go to the Temple today with my brother Ben (not to be confused with Jose's brother Ben although Ben H. is brown and well my brother just wishes he was, he thinks he's a Mexican but that's for another blog.) and his wife Juli. I was such a huge blessing and just what I needed to kick start our year off right and boost my spirits.



I love the Temple and the spiritual confirmations you can recieve there. It is such a comfort to know that there is a heaven on earth, atleast I think that way about the Temple, and you can go there and even just sit outside it and feel the Spirit radiate of the outside.



It was interesting, as we walked outside to the front of the Temple there was a guy sitting on a bench reading his scriptures so we asked him to take a picture or two of us. As he sat back down I notice he went to grab his scriptures look up at us all and smile real big and give a little half laugh, (like the laughs you laugh when you think in your head "oh that's it") and it made me think about when I was living it Utah and I'd just go walk around Temple square and go visit the visitor's centers and just think about stuff that was going on in my head and receive small little answers. I felt as if that guy received some little answer like that when he laughed.

We went to Souper-Salad for lunch and ate too much even though it never seems like I get that much food. Then we went to walk it all off at IKEA. I have never been and if I was in a shopaholics anonymous group I would have been in BIG trouble. It's like a Toys R Us for shopaholics, but home stuff. I love home stuff.