Word Vomit.

You know that stuff that comes up when you aren't thinking and then you cover your mouth afterwards and wish you didn't say it. Well I've got some word vomit but it's more so words that just need to be vomited. This is just me venting, so no worries. I am completely happy for everyone around me.

Another month has passed and no baby. When I found out this morning I took a shower and have been in bed ever since. I'm still in bed as I'm typing this. I knew it would hit me hard again if we weren't pregnant this month. I was just beginning to accept the fact that it would happen when it would happen. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up by watching pregnancy vlogs and planning our babies room out where everything will go when the time comes.

I want to wake up every morning and puke. I want to feel bloated all the time not due to the fact that I'm bloated but that there's a bun in the oven. I want to get big and swollen. I want to crave pickles and ice cream together. I want to pee every five seconds. I want to waddle when I walk. I want to have sonograms. I want to add onesies to my laundry. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. All I want is a baby.

I think about babies and pregnancy all day long and everyone around me is either pregnant or having babies.

I'm this close to going to the doctor and getting a shot and then having my own show on tlc.

I am really happy for everyone around me that is adding to their families, I just want to join the club. I'm done with telling my clients "no, no kids yet" when they ask if I have kids. It's starting to depress me.